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I completely fell off the rails with the Event.

What I realized later (much later) is that even in the chaos I could get clarity and value from the discipline.

So. This specific work marathon? Failed. I did not hit any of my objectives, whether baseline or stretch. Those objectives depended on the world remaining stable, which it didn’t.

Meta? A win. Work cycles and a disciplined approach to the day can work even in an unstable world, with ill-defined objectives, confusion, and turmoil.

Meta? A reminder to not expect the world to remain stable. And . . . plan for instability.

I am reminded of Rudyard Kipling and “If”.

This means doubling down on using the Work Cycles, no matter what the circumstances.

I found that in the turmoil I am spinning a lot. What is happening? What to do? Keep the reins on my emotions and especially the doomsday mentality—that’s essential. Accept possible black pill outcomes but think and act with white pill optimism.

Work cycles help. Chunked down attention. Well-defined objectives. Small bursts of energy realistically scaled to what is possible.

I have to ask them about the app and how to reset start times midstream. Maybe make a Loom video to show them what I mean. I would rather use the app than the Google Sheet.

Maybe the answer is just suck it up and run a parallel computer or second monitor with the Google Sheet always up.

The Work Gym itself? I’m of two minds. I like the fact that I put my head down and work until the two minute warning. The timer on my computer beeps but I’m constantly checking to see how much time is left. (It’s just a pomodoro timer). “Work and don’t think until you hear a voice” is better for me.

But the social aspect of it? I can’t say whether being in a giant Zoom room with others is helping or not. These people are fellow travelers in some way but there is no real way to connect.

So pay attention and remember life is short.

Jordan Peterson in Chris Williamson’s Modern Wisdom episode 307.

Pay attention is notice discomfort and examine it deeply. Pay attention to the underlying axioms. Question them.

The deeper you look the more fundamental the cause and change there creates even more uncertainty. So it’s easier to shy away and procrastinate.

This is frightening but you are tougher than you think.

Jordan Peterson says he as 3 or 4 productive hours in a day. The rest is just preparation to clear the deck for those hours.

I’m going through an 8/10 stress event at work. It has been going for about a week.

I don’t know how it will turn out: total black pill is what is most probable, I think, but . . . .

I’m calm.

I am tired and there is oh so much to do, so many decisions to make, so much unexpected expense. I’m calm.

The Stoic philosophy is powerful. I know what’s in my control and what isn’t. I know that action is essential. I know to run straight at the problem, without hesitation.

And I know that the situation is not of my making and the resolution will be what it will be. Yet the actions I take will determine the resolution.

This didn’t come from the Stoics alone. They are just the latest of my teachers.

The hardest part of this? Fatigue. So many thoughts in my head. Data, assumptions, if/then calculations for actions I could take. It’s exhausting.

But emotions? I’m good. I have equilibrium.

Lameness may strike your leg, but not your resolve. Sickness may weaken your body, but not your determination—unless you let it. The only thing that can impede your will is your will itself.

Each time an obstacle arises, remind yourself of this truth. While it may hinder some part of you, it cannot constrain your true self.

Epictetus, Handbook (Sam Torode adaptation), 9

Life is hand-to-hand combat with self.

Awakened at 4:50 pm by a troublesome dream and my bladder, I let the dog out and make coffee.

It is Saturday. There are obstacles, if you want to call them that. The 10,000 tasks.

Restrained by 10,000 strands, each of which alone is trivial. But collectively? Daunting.

It’s easy to hesitate, defeated by their sight. Or worse yet, I imagine that there are 10,000 (in reality there might be 50 or 100) and I create my own despair by my own self-created illusion.

Determination. Willpower.

Just do.

The burden I perceive does not exist.

If you wish to make progress, lay aside your alibis.

Epictetus, Handbook (Sam Torode’s version), 12

Mostly, “I am upset because X.” Whatever X is.

X didn’t make you upset. You did that to yourself.

Acceptance. Determination. These are the filters that keep me on The Path.

It is exceedingly difficult to find truth. Truth can be obvious, but is usually elusive and required persistence. It’s a needle in a haystack of bullshit.

Easier: perceive and discard lies. Bullshit usually stinks. Truth gleams brightly in the light. Use your sense of smell to reject bullshit.

Especially watch for bullshit artists. Trees and fruit. By their fruit shall you know them.

Bullshit artists are a never ending fountain of more and more lies. Get rid of the source.

Like attracts like.

Or, another way to look at it: don’t be dumb. Don’t be clever, just don’t be stupid.

Don’t seek your passion. Stop doing things you hate instead.

And if you can’t figure it out, be agnostic.

Pretty much everything thrown at me is designed to distract me while the real action is going on elsewhere. The good faith actors are few and can be identified — they are vilified wholesale. (Don’t make an error interpreting that sentence. I did not say V —> G or even G —> V.)

We are collectively under attack by, as Gurdjieff called them, broken machines. They go destructively beserk with almost comical aplomb.

Who will prevail? It is not entirely clear to me that civilized humans will.

Black pill.

Everything is propaganda. Everything is sleight of hand. Be wary of all you see and hear.

Grow intellectually, spiritually, and physically strong and find allies who value personal strength and integrity. Assemble small groups of allies. The countermeasures will become obvious.

We, collectively, will be here for centuries. We will outlast the onslaught of the berserkers. Many of us individually will fall. But we will prevail.

White pill.

By sheer willpower and desire.

When you are feeling upset, angry, or sad, don’t blame another for your state of mind. Your condition is the result of your own opinions and interpretations.

Epictetus, Handbook (Sam Torode version), 5

Embrace your weird, says Chris Williamson. I don’t want to, says me, because I’m afraid of what they think. Whoever “they” are.

The inner governor. That’s what David Goggins calls it.

The Chris Williamson/Jordan Peterson interview has Peterson saying this inner voice is the distilled average of all societal norms, implanted in you — plus the feedback loop of your own inner, personal, ideals.

The societal norm is to enforce the tall poppy rule. Strive toward the mean. Be the best normal of all of the normals. So that’s going on in my head all the time. Conform. It’s ok to strive and dream, but for the right things, accomplished in the right way. No room for embracing your weird here.

My inner ideals draw me toward my true desire. The other anti-tall poppy “fit in” attitudes push me away.

I don’t really know what I would be if I just let go and went for it. And what is “it”?

I feel as though I am trudging with 1,000 lbs in my backpack. I’m slowly reaching in and tossing baggage aside. Will I ever move with speed, light on my feet?

Drop the rock.

Remember SB. He gave the following to my brain as a seed. I have carried this thought seed for decades. By now I’m sure he is dead and I never met him or talked to him but . . . he improved my life with this little example.

You’re swimming, holding a big rock. It’s your rock. Your own special rock.

You are tired and will soon drown. A boat comes alongside and the people say “swim over here and jump in, we will take you to shore.”

You say “I can’t. My rock is too heavy.” And you continue to suffer, exhausted.

“Drop the rock,” say the people in the boat.

SB, on a recording heard long ago and far away.

That’s my mantra for the day. Drop the rock. On that path I will find my own weird to embrace.

Just assume that everything you hear and everything you see is an attempt at manipulating you. Maybe it is benign as making you spend your money in a certain way. Maybe it is more sinister.

I don’t mean the fucking Russians and the fucking Chinese. If you see “the Russians” etc. as the bogeyman you’re intellectually weak and pathetic.

Of course these things exist. So what? Grow up. You’re still missing the point about life, who you are, what is important to you, and what is within your power.

What’s the easiest way to sense attempted manipulation? Your own emotional response. Is it intense? Does your mood change noticeably? Do you want more of it? It’s probably propaganda. Analogy: drugs. What is your reaction?

Subtler methods of manipulation are at work. Long, persistent, slow seeding of despair about The World Today, or Them.

What’s the defense? Two things come to mind:

• A skeptical-by-default perspective.
• Dunbar’s Number.

Skeptical by default

Skeptical by default is learning how to make your own brain question everything.

Good scientists, detectives, trial lawyers, and many other people learn this skill. You can, too.

But . . . the person to be most skeptical about is yourself. This is a hard and lifelong quest.

I know for myself that I am apt to accept everything I hear. I am gullible.

If I wait for a little while I will start to build nuance and questions. So I know to postpone judgments where it is important.

Dunbar’s Number

Dunbar’s Number means that you surround yourself with reliable people. People you know personally. There is an upper limit to the number of people you can know personally.

They need not have the same opinion as you. In fact, they should not. Don’t build an echo chamber of people with the same blind spots as you. Just find people as fiercely committed to the same Quest as you.

But you must know them personally at some level and have judged them to be of moral character and acceptable intellect. Your judgment will probably be wrong at times. No matter.

These are your canaries. These are your scout outposts warning of attack. These are your filters.

Strong people are harder to kill

I like the Mark Rippetoe quote and I think it applies here. Get your mind strong. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Get physically strong.

Strong people are harder to kill than weak people and more useful in general.

Mark Rippetoe

I’m also thinking of the lyrics to the old Popeye song. “I eat all the worms and I spit out the germs. I’m Popeye the sailor man.”

You’re going to eat worms. Learn how to spit out germs.