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What am I doing? The Steve Jobs question

Prompt: the Steve Jobs morning question. first just look at what I’m doing.

Answer: running a business. Why? Well, because it’s an infinite game, basically. Thats fine. It’s fun enough and I can’t think of anything else I’d do for money. None of the jobs I see people do look particularly appealing.

“Fun enough.” That’s an interesting phrase to come out of your head.

Yeah. I think I mean it sincerely as “fun” though, because there is no end point that I’m seeking. I’m just sort of juggling and seeing what I can make and what I can do. So don’t read too much into it, Dr. Freud.

Then why are you asking the Steve Jobs question?

Because it seems heavy. I’m shoveling snow uphill in hell. There are many things I don’t want to do as part of running the business. I want them done but I don’t want to do them myself—I want someone else to do them. And getting other people to get things done is a pain in the neck.

Oh, it’s the Hell is other people quote, is it?

Firstly, apparently that quote is misconstrued. But secondly no it’s not people generally. It’s specific tasks, specific people, specific outcomes. And it’s a discomfort with me not being willing to be an asshole and fire people if necessary. Or chicken. Or greedy.

Asshole because it disrupts their lives. Chicken because it disrupts my life. Greedy because I can limp along like this and be profitable.

But you pay for that profit with your unhappiness, no?

Sigh. Yes. and the price I pay is not worth the profit I reap.

So it’s your own greed that drives things. You want the money and you tolerate your current conditions to get money. And it’s your ego that drives things. The ego of thinking other people judge you by head count.

OK I’d that’s true what’s the indicated change? WWSJD?

He would focus on what’s important. The product. If the product is suffering, he would fix that. And that’s viable for me because I want the product to exist because I want it to exist. No particular reason beyond that.

The money element is there for sure. Probably because I grew up in a home of modest comfort. But the ability to know I did a killer product and it made a difference to someone. That matters.

Ok gotta go now because I’m being torn away to do something I don’t want to do. For someone I do want to help.