Reality Laughs

The opposite of the dawn patrol: waking up arbitrarily in the middle of the night. This sometimes happens to me after about 4.5 or 5 hours of sleep. I’m rested enough but it’s not a full eight.

The world is not exactly full of optimism and joy in times like this. Every thought that pops up is negative. That’s how the night shift differs from the dawn patrol: running before dawn is a time of hope, happiness. I know from experience that the night shift thoughts are just noise. Nothing ever comes of the fear and frustration that the noise creates. But still . . . .

Ah, well. It’s going to be dawn in a few hours anyway.

A spoonful of peanut butter and a drink of water. Let’s see if that helps me go back to sleep until it’s time for dawn patrol.

You are the measure of your success.

No comparison to someone else. It’s you compared to you.

It’s every day. One day at a time. In the day you’re in, right now—how are you feeling? Successful?

Maybe you compare today you to yesterday you. That might work. But I think that checking in with yourself, right now, it’s easy to figure out if you’re successful. Are you doing what you should be doing? You’re successful.

You’re successful because what you’re doing sucks and there is a mile of suck still to go but you’re doing it because it’s yours to do. And you’re doing it. Acknowledge that, while you are shoveling loads of suck. You are doing it. You hate it, but in that moment you are successful.

Mark it. The second act started on May 1, 2021.

Bangin’.

Why? Because what the fuck else is there to do with my life that could possibly top it?

Dawn patrol.

The background traffic roar . . . .

I want quiet.

It is time to leave this place. Or learn to accept the noise.

Is an opportunity someone else took. Not an excuse for your inaction.

Take action. Make your own luck.

Be a doer, not a shit-talker.

The world rewards actions, not excuses. The world rewards actions, not affirmations.

Attack the process. Do what needs to be done in this day, the day you’re in. It really is one day at a time. All of it.

Say it. Be it.

There is only one project I will work on until it is finished. When pulled away by unavoidable distractions I will deal with them efficiently and definitively. Then I will return to the project.

Let’s go. Let’s try this One Thing Strategy.

I woke up a bit later than usual. My brain would not let me listen to the “It’s the weekend, you can sleep in” story. At this point I know lying awake in bed at dawn will mean constant brain chatter—not a return to sleep.

I always put out my running gear before I go to sleep. So it was easy to get up, get dressed, and get outside. And then, I was done.

I have a set loop that I do every morning. Walk to that corner to loosen up, start running until I reach that corner, then walk the rest of the way. I am extending the run portion of the loop by 10% every week. (This is contrary to my standard approach to life of going whole hog from the git-go. Who knows! I might be learning how to get better better.)

My brain suggested that today maybe I could just walk the entire thing. Nope. I ran the section I usually run, according to plan.

What’s the moral of this story? This trivial event in a random day?

The first thing is to note how fast, with repetition and very little motivation, I built a foundational habit. I would estimate that the dawn patrol habit took three or four weeks to embed.

The second is to note how I attempt to dissuade myself with self-talk from doing what I want to do (be an early riser, runner, healthy and clear-minded), even while I am doing what I want to do. I am bemused.

The third is the meta picture I just got. This little write-up is overly wordy and clunky. See how hard it is for me to express inner, nonverbal feelings and convictions?

I am sitting on the back porch. A squirrel is on the roof of the garage, looking at me and mailing squirrel noises. It’s a cool overcast morning and the soft, flat gray light is soothing. I want to cry, partly in gratitude and partly in frustration and fear. I dread today’s self-appointed tasks.

Let’s go.

Tradition is a set of solutions for which we have forgotten the problems. Throw away the solution and you get the problem back. Sometimes the problem has mutated or disappeared. Often it is still there as strong as it ever was.

Donald Kingsbury

That is something that has taken me a long time to see.

Along that line, remember Chesterton’s Fence.

Marcus Aurelius tells me that my opinions are standing between me and peace of mind.

That’s framing. A particular situation (a task at work, for instance) can be seen as an obstacle or an opportunity.

How I see it—obstacle or opportunity—influences my mood, my energy in attacking the task, the types of solutions I envision.

Framing—my opinions—are disconnected from and external to the thing, situation, or person about which I have an opinion. My opinion about the weather doesn’t alter the weather one little bit. My opinion about the weather only affects my mood and my actions.

Until I can view life’s random events with equanimity, I had better be conscious of my opinions and the framing I impose on people, places, and things. And learn to discard harmful framing.