Framing post.
Label something as a puzzle, not a problem.
We like solving puzzles. That’s fun. But solving problems is like work or a duty imposed upon us.
Calling a situation a “problem” implies that it occurred because of external events outside your control. Now you are faced with an unavoidable task filled with drudgery or pain to rid yourself of this unwelcome visitor. This is a perfect recipe to cook up a nice dinner of “My life sucks, woe is me.”
That’s not always the case, of course. Many (indeed, most) situations you face have at least a seed in them that was planted by you, your attitude, or your actions.
But it’s hard to accept causal responsibility in the moment. Instead, it’s easy to see yourself as a unwilling victim of circumstances. Don’t do this! A situation in your life might be 100% randomly caused by the gods rolling dice, or it might be 100% caused by your own decision, words, actions, or the attitudes you harbored that caused those decisions, words, or actions.
No matter. You’re still in the situation. You may have something to fix in your own mentality to prevent yourself from making future wreckage, but right now you have something staring you in the face that needs attention.
That’s why a different point of view is important. Look at the situation from a different point of view, a new pair of glasses, as it were. Remove the opportunity for feeling like a victim, and look at the situation with a fresh perspective.
It’s a puzzle. I like solving puzzles. We happily take on the task of solving puzzles, because it’s fun.
That’s what games are. Puzzles. You might have puzzles that you play all by yourself, like sudoku or jigsaw puzzles. Or you might have game puzzles that involve other people, like chess or Monopoly. In those games you are faced with a game situation and find a solution (or not!). But it’s a game, and you choose to play the game.
Frame everything as a puzzle to solve. As a game, if you like that word better. Here is a situation. What am I going to do about it? I can choose to not play the game. Or I can play the game and see how things turn out.
I’m not saying life is all fun and games, because it isn’t. In some computer games there is a time of “grinding” that isn’t fun. Maybe losing the game isn’t fun (but you will get over it after your ego recovers).
And most important: losing a game rarely has a life-altering consequence, while life puzzles sometimes do. Sometimes a situation presents itself and despite your hardest struggles you cannot accomplish a satisfactory (to you) outcome. Some situations involve death, like diseases. Some situations have financial catastrophe as their outcomes.
No matter. Play the game, solve the puzzle.
For intractable puzzles, your best strategy is to make choices that neutralize their impact. That’s Nassim Taleb’s strategy: be antifragile. But even then, if you are thrust into one of these puzzles with mostly unacceptable outcomes, play the game and know you’re playing a game. Remember the Maori ka mate, ka mate haka. We live. We die. Or remember the Stoic phrase: memento mori.
Life situations are just games. We play the games we like, and we play the games we must.
Play games. Don’t bear burdens.