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Random memory of B saying that.

Paradoxically by being there for his own benefit he helped countless others.

And that was his point. He was there for himself, to help his own predicament, and the only way to help himself escape his own predicament was to be helpful to the community around him.

It’s like D telling me one day that he did this thing (birthday cards for people) because he realized he was so self-centered and selfish and didn’t care what happened to people around him. And it hurt; he did not want to be that kind of man. So he just started sending people birthday cards. Then, one day he discovered that he genuinely cared about the people around him.

Wow. The people I have known who helped me in small ways and great. Both D and B have been dead for a long time. Yet they did small things and said small things that are still alive in me, making my life better (when I remember them and what they said). I’m a bit weepy right now.

I’m going to be knocked around. Stuff will happen, people will say things and my feelings will be hurt. This is inevitable.

Equally true is the fact that I’m going to make shit up in my head, and I’m going to take it seriously and wallow in it. This is guaranteed. You can take it to the bank.

So, what to do?

When jarred, unavoidably, by circumstances, revert at once to yourself, and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help. You’ll have a better grasp of the harmony if you keep on going back to it.

Meditations 6:11.

Let’s just take for granted, from now on, that all quotes from Marcus Aurelius come from the Gregory Hays translation of Meditations. I don’t read the other translations I have.

What I’m doing right now, by reading in the morning and writing these little thoughts, is building the counterweight, building the keel. When knocked off top dead center by some external event, my habits bring me back.

It happened while reading and drinking coffee this morning. I was talking to myself about something. In rehearsal, I was. As usual, it was some imaginary future event where in my imagination I was impressing an unknown audience of strangers who I would never see again because they exist only in my head with my stunning wisdom. I caught myself. Returned to Meditations.

That’s the spiritual keel bringing me upright after a self-inflicted gust of mental wind.

I did not take the episode seriously. It’s like the famous bemused Reagan quote, “There you go again!” There my brain goes again, talking to itself to puff up the ego. Remember. And back to top dead center.

As Marcus Aurelius says, “unavoidably”.

Even if I could become immune to outside events and how they affect my thinking (hint: not in this lifetime), I can never become immune to the brain generating its own thoughts.

I can’t stop or control my dreams at night, and I am going to experience random rehearsals and talking to self during my waking hours. The best I can do is develop a center of gravity that brings the pendulum back to rest.

This is interesting.

When I am ok then I write less here.

And right now I’m ok.

So I want to be sure to write this down to remind myself that I’m ok. I’m always ok. I just don’t always believe it.

Why am I ok? Reading. Marcus Aurelius at the moment. I can’t read Seneca in the morning for some reason. But Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius are easy.

Relentless, by the way, has fallen dead on its second read-through. I have no appetite for it. It’s sort of like a one-note song, though I know that there can be subtle nuances in monotony. I’ll get back to it. Or not.

In the meantime, Gary Vaynerchuk videos are passing the message along. No expectations. Just give. Work really hard for a long time. All good stuff.

I can only hope that my kids have a great relationship with me in the same way he seems to have a great relationship with his parents. If he has what he appears to have, Gary Vaynerchuk has wealth beyond measure.

So the outside reminders come, but from another path.

If the second-most important thing distracts you from the most important thing, delete it.

Edit (later): I don’t know what my most important thing is. At work, I mean. In life I do.

That’s a good thing.

I just started working on a new skill via a paid course of instruction. It is evident that the information provided is valuable and delivered by someone who is smarter than me. Intellectual prowess, knowledge, and experience. All of it.

It’s not hard to tell that this is the case. Non-BS reveals itself fairly quickly. BS can hide for a while.

That’s an interesting barometer. The longer I am uncertain as to whether I’m dealing with a bullshit operator or the real deal, the more likely I am to be dealing with a bullshit operator. Bearing in mind of course that I may be so stupid that I can’t tell the difference between bullshit and non-bullshit. But even then, I will get smart enough eventually to discard bullshit.

Back to how I react to smart, non-bullshit people.

The reality laughs lesson here for me is that I am grateful to this man for having learned so many hard concepts, learning so many hard real-life lessons, then distilling the knowledge so I can use it. It is really the first time in my life where I have not wanted to immediately be as smart as him. That’s my MO. You know quantum physics? Let me study independently and rival you even though you spent 20 years of your life doing it. I will catch up in three days. Not this time.

I’m finally becoming a grownup. I’m learning humility. I’ve finally started to really see what I was told a long time ago. You can’t subtract from my life. You can only add to it.

I just hired a guy to help me do a thing. The reason I hired him is because he announced “I do this and you can hire me to help you.”

In talking to him I learned how he had learned the skill he is selling me. He had arbitrarily picked up the phone and purchased one-on-one consulting from people who were not selling consulting, but were self-evidently killing it with this specific skill.

It never occurred to me to do that.

Today I learned a new life skill. Go to the best, and ask if they will help. Overpay if necessary.

The reality laughs part of this story is that the help I seek is omnipresent. It’s me and my hidden assumptions and life operating principles that stops the help from arriving at my doorstep.

Is a thin line.

Let them be. They will reveal themselves.

The first step to being smart is “stop being stupid.” Just stop doing dumb shit and you’re likely to have a better life.

You want more of something, focus you attention on it. Remove your attention to decrease it.

I see it clearly now with the internet blocking. There is a particular new hobby I am pursuing now. (Vague because visible and They really are Out To Get You; with a sufficiently high number for They the probability is 1). I spend lots of time reading articles, watching videos, etc.

The time spent is not particularly energizing. It’s distracting and entertaining. There are other activities that matter more to me. I know what the end state of that hobby is for me, and it will be accomplished in six months. (The end state is one more acquisition then then a steady flow of consumables to supply the regular doing of the hobby.)

So I am changing my focus to another area: fitness. I do this my just watching videos from one person on YouTube. Let’s see what happens. I’m not watching videos or reading about the other topic which has consumed me lately.

You have goals, ambitions, desires. The future you is x, y, and z. These are so far from who you are today.

You can think like the future you today.

You can act like the future you today.

Even if you aren’t the pinnacle of fitness (yet) you can think and behave today like the future you will behave when you are the pinnacle of fitness.

This just worked for me a few minutes ago. Instead of swinging through the drive-thorough at Del Taco, here I am at home with some better food from the refrigerator.

Even if you don’t have the million-dollar bank account (yet) you can think and behave like the future you who has $1,000,000 in the bank.

And the $1,000,000 will follow.

Even if you lack peace of mind, or focus, or discipline (now) you can think and behave the way your future disciplined self will think and behave.

Avatar me.