It’s hard, in the moment, to know why you’re pissed off. The more important thing is to stop being pissed off, because that state of mind is of no value.
But it’s easier said than done to go from mental uproar to tranquility just because you want to. I haven’t accomplished that skill yet, and I doubt I will ever get there.
The “why” question is usually fruitless, but here it can be useful. If you have convinced yourself of the Stoic perspective (within your control, outside of your control), build on that foundation to allow yourself to let go of the inner uproar.
Ask yourself why you’re angry, annoyed, etc.
If you identify an event outside of your control, then you have persuaded yourself and it’s easier to let go and return to equilibrium. You have already accepted the truth of the control/no control principle.
Epictetus, as usual:
Practise, then, from the very beginning to say to every disagreeable impression, ‘You’re an impression and not at all what you appear to be.’ Then examine it and test it by these rules that you possess, and first and foremost by this one, whether the impression relates to those things that are within our power, or those that aren’t within our power; and if it relates to anything that isn’t within our power, be ready to reply, ‘That’s nothing to me.’
Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1.5
I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not. I’m not saying it’s instantaneous in effect. It’s not. My mind wants to chew on thoughts like a puppy gnaws on a bone.
Do it anyway. Use the realization that this is an “outside of your control” matter (the answer to “Why?”) as the trigger. Pull away from the disagreeable impressions, even if you have to pull away again, again, again, and again, for days or weeks on end.
Actually, I should revise my judgment of “not easy”.
It is easy to do. Listen to DJ Boring’s Winona. The track samples from an interview.
Winona Ryder is interviewed and says “It is difficult to be judged.” (Sample at 4:15). (Judgment by others is outside our control). She gives a brief vignette to illustrate how she was judged, erroneously as it turned out.
She also says “I can’t answer the real question. All I can tell you is it’s easy.” (Sample at 3:17). And that is truth. I can’t answer the real question, even though it’s my own question. I will be uncovering new questions until I die. All of the questions are as real as the previous one and the next.
All I can say, based on experience, is that it’s easy.
I can do. That’s easy. Let go as if you’re a maple tree releasing a single autumn leaf, and draw deeply from your roots for sustenance.
The hard part is to keep doing.