What stops me is boredom.
I run without music, without podcasts, without audiobooks. I run with my head. Intentionally.
When my head is noisy and talking to itself, I am distracted and I put distance under my feet. Usually this means some imaginary argument about something that will never come up, with someone I will never meet. But in my head I showed them up.
The nice thing about running is that sooner or later in the run all that imaginary fiction evaporates. The ego is fed, or the ego is embarrassed. Either way, the chatter stops.
But when I am calm and quiet, I start talking to myself, and the talking is always about quitting. How much will I run today? What if I just do one loop instead of two? After all it’s late and my legs hurt.
There are always reasons. Explanations. The conversation is never about doing more, putting in extra effort. The conversation is always about less. And it is seductive.
Yesterday, I was in the conversation within the first 5 minutes, negotiating the run. What pace? What distance? What time? Should I adjust (shorter of course) the route?
It’s a standard route, starting from my house and just over 6 km (almost 4 miles). Two loops through the neighborhood. Uphill to home.
What I realized last night: everything got really quiet (in a good way) when I said to myself that I will do these two loops even if it takes me 90 minutes and I shuffle painfully all the way home.
My current mindset: I’m a beast, a savage, a monster. I run. Whether it is four or forty miles, I finish.
Last night I simply multiplied the distances by 10x. I’m at the 3/4 mark of my 4 mile run? This is what it feels like to see 10 miles ahead of you. It’s the last half-block to home? This is what it feels like to pace out that 40th mile.
I wear an Apple Watch. I don’t check the time or distance. Why should I? The only thing that matters is finishing. That’s liberating.
I don’t know how many times I have listened to the quitting voice and cut a run short. Frankly that was the old me in his default mode.
What I realized last night: I need to learn to live with boredom. Same streets. Same slight incline on the last long leg of the loop.
Same same same same same same. Go go go go go go.
Be bored. Run anyway. Work anyway.
I suspect it’s not really boredom. It’s something more basic. I’m going to run (literally and figuratively) at this mindset shitstorm to see what happens.