A Scott Adams Periscope a while back contained the advice to let good thoughts out of your head. If you had a good thought about someone, say it. Don’t admire secretly.
I don’t do this nearly enough, but I have done it more than before, so thank you Scott Adams and the internet for making my life better.
When I tell people what I think, a funny thing happens: I think this will make the other person feel good, and that’s why you do it. Maybe they do feel happy. Probably will, in fact.
But I feel better when I do it. That’s the real payoff. I’m not doing this to get someone else to do something or feel something. I’m doing this for myself.
It’s a way to create gratitude. You don’t think “I am grateful.” Much better is to do grateful.
Praising or thanking another person creates gratitude in me.
Am I going to come across as shallow and manipulative? Will they think that I’m just saying these kind words for my own reasons?
Nope. Not a risk, in my experience.
An honest thought (“She looks pretty this morning and wow look at how she put together her outfit today!”) sincerely expressed will be received exactly as intended.
Even (maybe especially) an honest “I love you” or “You’re doing great” comment matters.
Let good thoughts out of your head and share them.
Along those lines, here is something from Marcus Aurelius:
When you need encouragement, think of the qualities the people around you have: this one’s energy, that one’s modesty, another’s generosity, and so on. Nothing is as encouraging as when virtues are visibly embodied in the people around us, when we’re practically showered with them. It’s good to keep this in mind.
Meditations, 6:48.
All I would add is — tell them.