The brain is noisy today. It is quite a change from yesterday. One obvious reason: less sleep last night. When I sleep well I’m in better shape mentally. Make a note to self about that, will ‘ya? Something to work on!
I’m reading Marcus Aurelius and everything seems so trite. “Yeah, yeah, I know that.” Except I don’t know that because I’m not doing that.
I’m rehearsing speeches and conversations in my head—and they will never happen. But in my head, in these imaginary conversations, I sure sound wise. People look up to me because I’m so wise.
Constructing this facade is all for puffing up my ego.
Stop with the rehearsals.
Use the method you have used a million times before and will use a million times again: stop talking to yourself and start talking to God (in your head so people don’t think you’re psycho!). “Hey God, here I go, yapping in my head to myself about how wonderful I am and how much I know and how people should love me more. Help me out, here, please.”
Remember the Jackson Browne song and the line in it. “Get up and do it again.” The title of the song is The Pretender. Get up and do it again, but do the right thing again and again and again.
And it works. All of a sudden I’m thinking about what I should be thinking about, doing what I should be doing, thinking about the person in front of me instead of what the person in front of me thinks about me.
Maybe this is what the Carpenter is talking about with that admonition. “Pray without ceasing.”
Here is the first verse of The Pretender. See how it sets a scene in just a few words. I know those houses. I know that packed lunch, in real life and spiritually. I can’t listen to the song anymore; it cuts too deeply.
I’m going to rent myself a house
In the shade of the freeway
Gonna pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
I’ll go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
I’ll get up and do it again
Amen.
Say it again
Amen.
The Pretender, by Jackson Browne
Say a prayer for the Pretender. I am a pretender.