Why do I want to do something great? Soon enough I will be dust, and so will my children and everyone that ever knew me. To be remembered by people I don’t know, people I will never meet? Of what value is this to me—or them?
Why would I not want to do something great? It is a tree’s urge to grow to its limits. It is a man’s urge to explore and build whatever he can, regardless of payoff for himself or posterity. The payoff is outside my control. The doing, the action. That is within my control.
Both paths lead to the same destination.
Am I thankful that Marcus Aurelius wrote his thoughts? Of course. And he did not intend them for me.
And the thoughtful 10,000 wise men from Roman time until now? Their thoughts, their wisdom, their guidance . . . nonexistent except for the ripples they caused through each generation.
Memo to self: Stand and fight. Go do shit. Anything you like — it doesn’t matter what you do, and it doesn’t matter if you succeed or fail. Don’t take the “in the long run” as an excuse to be passive. It’s a reason to swing for the fences. Strike out or grand slam. Who cares?
Right now a number of things are going sideways, and you have a cold. This will pass. You will soon be on top of the world. That, too, will pass.
Edit: add this thought from William James:
“Every smallest stroke of virtue or of vice leaves its ever so little scar.”