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Epictetus warns me

Single focus.

Since you’re aiming, then, at such great things, remember that you’ll have to exert no small effort to attain them, and that you’ll have to renounce some things altogether, while postponing others for the present. But if you want to have both these things and public office and riches too, you’ll quite possibly not even gain the latter because you’re aiming at the former too, and you’ll certainly fail to get the former, through which alone happiness and freedom can be secured.

Handbook 1.1(4).

Things within your control: that’s your only focus. The other stuff comes and goes with indifference, as a byproduct.

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Try this today

Return to the sound and feel of your breath every time you remember to. Physical actions are for the benefit of the beehive. Express specific gratitude.

That sounds overwhelming. Impossible.

How about just breathe?

Epictetus, from The Handbook, starts off strong:

Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing;

Epictetus, Handbook, 1.1

Within my power is this feeling of sadness. It can remain or be replaced by another feeling.

Everything is ok right now. Just breathe.

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Closed mind

“You know what a closed mind is, right? It’s a mind so full of its own thoughts that there is no room for a different idea to come in.”

That was Bob’s way of putting it. but there is William James and “contempt prior to investigation” and a whole bunch of other ways of looking at it, too.

Here is Epictetus.

[1] If someone, says Epictetus, refuses to accept what is patently obvious, it is not easy to find arguments to use against him that could cause him to change his mind. [2] And the reason for this lies neither in his own strength, nor in the weakness of the one who is trying to instruct him; but the fact is that when someone who has been driven into a corner turns to stone, how can one hope to deal with him any further through argument?

Discourses, 1.5.

It’s always easy to see in others and especially in current politics. They, whoever they are, have closed minds. Look!

And then we sneer at them, smug in our open-mindedness.

For me, I will try to take that smug feeling as a signal. I, too, have a closed mind. I cannot be persuaded that I’m wrong. That’s my default state.

Accept that, and use the small awakening triggered by an offhand comment. Ah. You heard that comment. Remember that you, too, are just as prone to such an error and in fact you are probably suffering from a closed mind at this moment, on that topic for which the comment poked you awake momentarily.

What are my core principles, the no matter what’s? How do I put them into practice? Are they a little worse for the wear when they meet a real-world test?

Ignore politics. That’s only useful to me as a buzzer to awaken consciousness.

But look for a closed mind in other arenas. Example. I am about to hire JP to do a project for me. My self-reliance (an admirable trait) caused me damage by cutting me off from help easily accessible, just for asking. My life is immediately better because I asked for help and stopped being Mr. Intelligent and Mr. Industrious.

You know those core principles you treasure? Open up to other ideas. Don’t discard intelligence or industry. But add open-mindedness.

In this case, hiring JP was caused by desperation (I am overwhelmed) and a sense of adventure (let’s see what I can accomplish if I don’t do anything, but ask other people to do things for me—for money or course). And the comment by IH that told me what an entrepreneur is. Which is a concept I had wrong forever.

When you see something out there in the world that demonstrates a closed mind, use that as a wake-up alarm to remind yourself that you, too, are a closed-minded person in subtle and obvious ways.

Another thing. Be attuned to extremely cautious suggestions by others. Or seemingly offhand suggestions. “Why don’t you think of X?” Or maybe “Maybe you could do Y.”

Instead of dismissing that out of hand, roll the possibility around in your head. And maybe do it, as an experiment. There is no harm in an experiment.

Meta. If it isn’t obvious, these little things I write are a way I talk to myself. Sometimes I discover what I think. Other times I remind myself of something that is too easily forgotten.

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Morning

Up before dawn. All is quiet in the house.

Feed the dog. Water in the kettle, kettle on the stove, gas on. Coffee will be ready soon enough.

I don’t want to engage in magic thinking, but this is a good ritual.

Mustn’t get in a rut, though. This morning I will read Seneca instead of Marcus Aurelius.

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Embarrassed. Good.

I just looked back at some of the stuff I wrote here.

I’m embarrassed. The stuff I wrote sounds whiny, pompous, disjointed, confused.

Good.

It means I am not polishing things up to make myself look good.

I’m a grown-assed man, outwardly successful in life, family, etc., and a kaleidoscope of confusion within. That is my reality.

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Less

Focus is hard even when one thing sits in front of you. The logistics of a busy life? Focus is a hopeless quest.

Via negativa.

In the last two days the number of things on my plate mushroomed.

Via negativa.

In business, I’m working extremely slowly and with great care through the course lessons right now. If I can do what the course lessons promise, I can achieve a level of freedom from the barrage.

Meanwhile, I let the fires burn, while maintaining a firebreak around the new world I seek to build.

Maybe a juggler metaphor is better. People are throwing more balls at you. Don’t catch them. That’s hard for the ego to take. It’s hard for the people-pleaser in me.

That’s what the teacher tells me to do. Let the fires blaze. Understand the lessons extremely well at the foundational level. Apply them once, in a small way. That is the way out of the Life of Fire.

Via negativa.

Nota bene. I am doing all of this to me. None of this is anyone else’s fault.

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Humility

Not groveling, not submissive. Just empty of self, empty of judgment, accepting of all events.

Acknowledge reality without glee or remorse, and move on.

Gary Vaynerchuk’s videos are full of the need for humility. He talks about it as meaning without care for others’ opinions. That’s a good view, too. If it needs to be done, do it. Opinions (yours or other people’s) don’t come into the equation.

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Inner resource

Present, not past or future.

I keep asking “how do I live in the now?” The only thing I can conclude is that it is the wrong question to ask.

It’s time you realized that you have something in you more powerful and miraculous than the things that affect you and make you dance like a puppet.

Meditations, 12:19.

Perhaps the present eludes me because I seek it. It’s already here.

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and lay awake for an hour, hoping to get back to sleep. Just feel your heart beat. Just breathe. All of these things I do, trying to put me in the present, trying to still the mind. All unsuccessful.

Squeezing a handful of sand ever tighter.

This activity (writing) helps me.

Awaken before everyone else in the house. Make coffee. Feed the dog. Read Marcus Aurelius. Make these little notations.

Calm.

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Teacher, school

Mastery of reading and writing requires a master. Still more so life.

Meditations, 11:29. Maybe 10:29.

Maybe the Fourth Way people are right. You need a School. A Teacher.

Agreed. It’s too easy to lie to myself, to cut myself some slack.

More important, I don’t know what “good” looks like. An unenlightened mind can’t enlighten itself. A teacher knows what mastery looks like.

At least I’m fixing this in a technical matter starting in February: I’m enrolled in the Symbolic Logic course.

Yes, but that’s a technical skill. Marcus Aurelius is talking about life. What about mastery over the important stuff? You have done this before. Bob. Tom. Ed. So many others. Gino. Glenn. Go find more men like the ones who opened your eyes years ago.

It’s essential to read, and you can get a lot from recordings and videos. But you need a human who presses you where you are lying to yourself, or have a blind spot. As Bob used to say, you must have human help. God is not enough.

Here’s your job.

Put this message out to the universe: that you seek a teacher. Start observing. Look for the quiet, calm man who has nothing to prove. You will find him.

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Now and stress and urgency

The more the day progresses today, the more stressed I become. At this point I’m just buzzing aimlessly.

New stuff inbound. Nothing being shipped outbound. The input channel is shut for new stuff but old stuff and old commitments continues to erupt into all new and much bigger.

Plus I’m rattled emotionally.

I got rattled by a random political bullshit flyer on a light post when we went to the taco truck the other night. And I got rattled by the Bird Martinez stabbing, which I saw today after finding her YouTube channel last night.

The first one (the flyer) was a mixture of me feeling personally attacked and vulnerable, while at the same time feeling anger at the stupidity of the message and messenger.

The second rattled me just because the attack was pointless and sad. (Apparently the assailant is her brother-in-law). I don’t know her, but the videos showed an open, decent, loyal, warm person beneath a layer of self-aware bravado. I gave $50 to the GoFundMe.

Time to Do One Thing. Get back to Now. Just do.